This week for me was almost like real life. I was working 9-5, and it was real boring. At work I read some books, I facebooked, I didn't blog, I read internet news, and I fixed some computers. Then I would get home, starving, eat something my roommates made, watch reality tv or my roommates kill stuff on the xbox, go to bed, and do it again in the morning. Weekend: more of the above, plus packing, cleaning, bday partying, good times.
So, a week of my life just went by, and I think I will remember it, mostly because it was my bday week, and because it was so weird! Sometimes when I am doing nothing, making my brain go numb (via food, drink, tv, internet), it seems so necessary and so good and so perfect and so communal, and then other times it just seems like pure selfishness, i.e. sin. Funny how that works right? Too much of a good thing (is a bad thing)? Or not enough of a good thing (is a bad thing)?
I find reading (for me) seems to be the least guilt producing mind-numbing activity. This is probably because I associate reading with productivity, even if I am reading Harry Potter for the hundredth time. But I imagine people can use it just as bad as tv or video games... Next to reading, getting outside, exercising, visiting a museum, and the like is not so guilt inducing. But if I am using it to avoid something else, or to fill in frequent bored gaps, it doesn't always work so well.
Probably most guilt inducing activities (for me) are excessive use of the internet (which is basically all I do at work) and tv. Some days, or weeks, are worse than others. Summer time is particularly notorious for such epic time wasting! At first, it feels deserved, then suddenly, I wish I had my routine filled with 100 things to do back, and then soon after that, I feel I need that break again... Its a vicious cycle. After this week though, I think I prefer the vicious cycle of academia compared to the numbness of work life. Though I think both serve similar purposes, to live life and often, avoid feeling. Two sides of the same coin, while one feels more productive than the other, I am beginning to think it really isn't.
Then again, I am not exactly sure how one might gauge too much bored with too much fulfillment. I know some people with very specific fun time, and usually feel guilty for it, like they could be producing more. These are the smartest people I know, they make a lot of money, and get the best grades. And I know some people who put everything off until the very last second and spend as much time as they can doing nothing. This is most people. Then, those with a good balance (and you would never find in the tabloids because they have nothing to hide), are the people who save the world... That would be me. bah!
Now I am wondering, "What is not wasting time?" I'm not sure... uh oh, that's not good. Well, I guess it would be spending time celebrating, lamenting, and working with people you love, doing a job you love, or doing something non-job related that you love. Now, is doing something that you don't love (like sitting at my job right now), to pay for a life that you think you love (going to school, living in a nice house, driving a car), worth it? Or is it wasting time? Or how about doing something you don't love to get something you think you will love? I guess that is the way a lot of people function, they work to keep and care for their families, who they love. That is kind of the way all academics work--delayed gratification. But I find the people who absolutely LOVE school through and through are the most successful in getting what they want, cause they had it all along the way.
Honestly, most of my time is not spent doing anything I absolutely LOVE. Sometimes I LOVE class, and I LOVE homework. But most of the time, meh. I do not love my job. I do not know if I will love my counseling internship with the children cause I have never done anything like that. I don't even know if I love counseling cause I have never really done it (in a formal sense).
Is too much of doing what you love a bad thing? I want to say no, but I don't really know anyone personally who all they do is what they love.
Next year, I hope I find something to do that I love most, if not all, of the time. Until then, I consider this school year already gone, but definitely memorable.
