Sigh.

I don’t write poetry.

I’m full, but still hungry.

Relaxed, but really worried.

Racing. Relax. Racing. Relax.

Close my eyes, but they’re still moving.

Want to sleep, but I feel like I shouldn’t.

Traveling. What? Am I crazy?

Na. Life is good.

I want peace. Have I ever had it?

I thought I did.

Paz. Dona nobis pacem.

Por favor.

Answers? No. but I want’em.

I just go.

I.

By myself.

No.

This is my dilemma.

Always alone and never alone.

I just pray to feel the wind.

To feel the ground.

To feel my breath, the blood flowing through.

To see the other.

To love. To be with love forever.

To be with love.

To be.

Ok.

worrying about my day and the rest of my life everyday

lately i have felt the burden of all the work that i have to do to finish the semester as well as the burden of figuring out the rest of my life pretty much everyday. I mention this to my fellow grad students, and yeah, they feel the same way. it actually makes everyone feel pretty crappy. last night i attempted to push the immediacy of figuring out my life out of my mind... i really have no time to do this, and of all times to be worried about this, THIS is the worst time.

nevertheless, i pretty much feel like a failure everyday cause i don't have it figured out or finished. i wondered, "Right now, is there anything that could make me feel not like a failure?" Nope. except maybe a time machine to go back and finish my papers.

the next few weeks are going to be filled with very highs and very lows. this is what happens when you plan two trips on the two weekends before finals. Do I wish I hadn't planned these trips? Nope. I am excited for them, but I just want to be done!!!!!!!!!

I fear that all my work at the end of the semester is going to be my worst work. ...worst work still probably above average... but agh! the rest of my life could be dependent on this?! or not.

I'm calling my mom.