A Modern Day Evangelical Council?

Wow! What is happening? There is all kinds of crazy happening in internet news, blogging, facebook, and tweeting over Rob Bell's Love Wins. This morning, in my seemingly infinite Friday free time, I continued perusing articles on this situation, and I think it is going to keep coming... Though, I am less sure where it's going... Evangelical-y churches are already splintered beyond recognition, so it's weird to think that there could be sort of this larger controversial "split" over those who question hell and the and how the love of God works. If you're going to go work in a "mainline-ish" Christian-y church, no body has to ask, "What do you believe about heaven and hell?" They might ask you, "How are people saved?" But both are really different questions, and the latter has more leeway for avoiding specificity in your answer. I guess a vague answer for the first one might be, "Yes, I believe in heaven and hell." And a vague answer for the second could be, "Jesus." But I don't know if those answers are going to get you a job, or help you keep it...

All this being said---I had to begin compiling all these interesting article on the Rob Bell situation.

• The Good News is Better Than That: This is the article that peeked my curiosity. It was on the front page of the Huff Post religion section, and I thought, "I didn't know Rob Bell writes for the Huff Post." As far as I can tell, this is his first contribution.
• A couple days before this, Brian McLaren wrote Will "Love Wins" Win? It is a long article, mostly in defense of Rob, and a critique of--
• Albert Mohler's We Have Seen This Before: Rob Bell and the (Re)Emergence of Liberal Theology. And OooOooOoohhh! A Panel Discussion!
• Good News About Hell? Came out as, what looks like, a plug for Rob's book.., or maybe just a curious indifference. Either way
• I am pretty sure this is the first charge of heresy: Christian author's book sparks charges of heresy... and you know it is cause it's on cnn.com
• Critics heated up by Bell's Hell is more from the Huff Post
• Pastor Loses Job Over Rob Bell Debate--This one seems a little sketchy here.
• And here's more from the Washington Post...
• Then look at the ratio of 1-star to 5-star reviews on Amazon--It's AMAZING!
• Red Letter Christians seem to think we're heading towards an "Evangelical Split." How in the world is this even possible.

There is a ton of stuff about all this, and I imagine there will be more... Still, I don't know where this is going, but if you've read Rob Bell, it was obvious he was going "this" direction... whatever this is? Anyway, I bought the book... Maybe I'll read it.

One of my favorites is a HERETIC!

Surprise surprise... it was only a matter of time before they caught on to you, Rob Bell...

Stuff Christians Like: Valentine's Day

There have been a few fun things I have discovered, for example, "awkward 'you're single' conversations" at church. Gotta love John Acuff, and yes, I have seen people shake their heads in shame at my uterus. Seriously, not being single is the single most important thing ever. Proof of this can be seen when just today, Valentine's Day, my facebook status was hijacked by my boyfriend, "P__ has the greatest most awesomest boyfriend in the history of ever." Within about 5 minutes, every church friend from back home "liked" my status. PROVED: singleness sucks, not singleness and bragging about it online makes you facebook popular.

However, if you are single, or are not single and like boycotting Valentine's, NPR has a great rationale for this here: Exploiting the darkside of valentine's. Though drinking and beating each other seems just as worth celebrating to me...

Gnostic Dr. Seuss

This is so nerdy... I don't even know what else to say about it. Stolen from HERE


One day the first principle was feeling a bit down,

his glumdiferous magnificence turned in a frown.

he pondered and thunk and he thunk and he thought

and oh what a surprise when he saw what he'd wrought

there in the light of his emanated glow,

sat the second principle, the barbelo!

The barbelo in its barbelo suit, with its barbelo spirit munching
spiritual barbelo fruit.

And that barbelo

in its barbelo suit,

with its barbelo thoughts and its barbelo fruit,

why it looked on ole dad with his emanated glow his splendiferous
magnifence and before you know

there came a loud pop, a gnarf and kabangs

And out of the ole Barbelo came 4 more things

And not any ole things

no not any would do

but the best and the brightest, the shiny and new.

First Logos and Life, for who doesn't need a buddy

Then Man and then Church that fuddy old duddy

and they came and they spread

oh they spread and they spread

but they looked around and you know what they said?

Our world is too small oh far far too small

For our father is so so great, so grand and so tall

his world must be sad, such a tiny little world

and so they thought and they thought and thought unfurled

they expanded and grew and then they knurled.

What is knurl I hear you ask?

Why a wonderful thing in which we all should bask.

For out of their knurling

their thinking and thought

their swirling and whirling

they found what they sought

10 little aeons all in a lot.

Well not all at once you must understand

They came out in pairs!

Like a 10 man band.

10 aeons sprung forth, all shiny and new,

and fresh out in the world, they knew and they grew,

and they knew and they grew as good aeons ought

and then, as you'd guess, they too had a thought!

With their 12 aeon friends 22 strong,

they thought and they thought all the day long.

They thought of great things, such marvelous things

spirit-God kings and androgynous rings,

and they thought and they sang

their beautiful song

they sang and it rang

till something went wrong.

Poor little Sophie

said its much too crowded

with all your spirit singing I've been quite out-louded!

And then as you see poor Sophie was outed.

For Sophie had passions what a terrible lot

For silence and thinking is what a good aeon thought.

But Sophie wanted more, oh so much, more

she looked at her Aeon-friends and said “What a bore!”

So she sought out First-Principle,

grand ole Abyss,

and strung up in her passions

she gave him a kiss.

But oh what a kiss and such a kiss to miss

For Abyss would be having with none of this

he sent rough old limit,

that crabbity sort

to sort all this out

all this huffing and snort.

So limit did his limit-y best

and Sophie was purified

and returned to the nest

she returned to the rest

of her Aeon-y friends

but as we know things

take turns and bends

Cause Sophie's desire was not easily undone

It said “I'm still here! I'll still have my fun!”

That desire, misshapen and lumpy and cross,

It looked at that world and gave it the toss.

It said “Forget you Spirits” I've had my fill

of your Aeon-y sounds,

of your Aeon-y rules

of limits and bounds

and with a great whabumph,

and a sickening slumph

why gross ole desire

made some crumph,

and that crumph

it had mass and growth

so Desire became Ii-al-da-both.

And Ialdaboth was a bit of a fool

a bit of a munchkin, a bit of a tool

He forgot all that spiritual, gnosticky junk

and out came some matter with a resounding plunk

And out of that plunk came the moon and the earth

the clouds and the sky and so matter gave birth!

It gave birth to it all

All you can see

The rocks and dolphins

the birds in the trees

But all was not right

Oh certainly not right

Because all that world

was sad without light

Not normal light that pale thin drink

but the light of the Spirits!

Their old thoughty-think!

But Ialdaboth when he messed it all up,

he accidentally brought some spiritual stuff!

He dragged some gnosticy thoughty-thinking souls

And those souls fell into meat-mattery holes.

Those souls became psychics and gnosticky sorts

forming all new secret spiritual cohorts.

Poor Abel who died right off the bat,

And Cain who might have had a hand in that.

But then came Seth, marvelous Seth,

cause inside his chest was the spiritual breath

And inside his heart was the spiritual stuff,

the wonderful mystical spiritual stuff,

the stuff of which theres never enough,

So the children of Seth learned to think a humdinger thought

and this secret they took and they went and they taught

they taught about Sophie and they taught about her weird child

And they told the stories of how he went wild.

They taught about how all this matter is bunk

and all about Ialdy the maker of junk.

But with their humdinger secrets safe in your head

you too could go back, or so they said.

Go back to the start, to the place they still miss,

back home with the Spirits and good ole Abyss.

Two Types of Highly Educated Protestants

As much as I hate dualism, there really are only two types of educated protestants (maybe a hybrid third type). And when I say educated, what I mean is exposed and trained in high caliber theology (though, sometimes any subject, theology just emphasizes the dichotomy). That's right--these protestants wanted a saving challenge and went to the challenging schools where they found out that everyone is wrong, and everyone is right.

The first type of good theologically educated protestant is the wholly devoted one. Devout in all senses of the word. You don't care what anyone says, you know what you know, and you love what you love, and you will dedicate your time to that. Go against the grain and argue divine satisfaction for salvation--you are a Luther and Calvin lover, and there ain't nothin wrong with that. Go to your happy clappy church with no shame. Yeah, you know a lot, you know both sides, but you are DEVOTED! And your church needs you to keep their non-traditional traditions going. This protestant has got some extreme combo of commitment and brainwashing happening--but that's ok! You gotta love the zeal.

The second, more common type, is the jaded type. You may have started off as type one, but quickly you realized... God is complicated. Religion is complicated. And everything you learned about the Bible--may not be true! It is heartbreaking... You were in love with a lie, as abusive as that Eminem Rihanna song (Love the way you lie)--yeah THAT jaded. Can anything be redeemed! I don't even know what redemption means anymore!! Regardless, I'll find my place in some church where I agree with less than half of their doctrine/mission/whatever, and even if I don't, at least I know that we'll probably all be ok in the end... Cause God is love. Woopdidoo.

A third, hybrid type, may exist. The highly educated person who is jaded, but holding on to some sort of devotion (see all educated Catholics). This educated protestant is holding out for hope.

...but whatever.

Hitchens vs. Sewell

I came across "The Hitchens Transcript" on facebook. The conversation is basically between a moderately famous atheist and a Unitarian minister. I found the conversation disturbing, and I don't really know if I like either of them. Though, I think I could be friends with the minister easier than Hitchens...

Hitchens: has some good arguments that I have discussed friends. Such as, if Christians aren't at least a little fundamentalist in their beliefs (like with, you know, simple stuff like Jesus' birth, death, and resurrection), then what is the point? Might as well be a humanitarian. I sort of agree, sort of disagree. Mostly, because I do see something different in the Christian narrative (or maybe I just want to see it that way?). Regardless, I might put him in a category of politics/economics/science, essentially being his "religion"... Which sometimes seems no different to me than religion, except less forgiving, less exceptions, and more pessimistic (for the most part).

Sewell: A little out there for me. Seemed like her and Hitchens had nothing to fight about, and were essentially the same (which was the annoying thing about the article). But she was less negative/harsh than he was about the whole Christian thing.

I don't really know what to make of it. I'm still trying to figure out the difference between an active, social justicey, non-evangelical, pacifist Christianity and humanitarianism. Is it just motivation and beliefs?

I am a Protestant

I'm a loud and proud conservative evangelical Christian. Born and raised in the Midwest United States by good Fox News watching parents! That's right. Beware: I might burn the Qu'ran, blow up a Planned Parenthood, vote for Bush, condemn the gays, or kick a ginger AT ANY MOMENT!

That's why its no surprise when, in class the other night, upon declaring my protestantism, my Catholic professor pulled out his lighter.... As if to say, "Burn the traitor!!"

Its not like he's an ex-Jesuit married to a Lutheran. Oh wait--he is!